What's Happened To Me?

Many things happen to you when you discover that you're having a child. There is no question that Sarah is experiencing more significant physiological and emotional changes than I can possible imagine, but I swear I've experienced some physiological change as well. My chemistry is altered.

Almost immediately following the ultrasound where we first saw a beating heart, I became much more emotional than I ever had been previously. It seemed that any movie with the slightest hint of drama would send me into a funk for a few hours after having watched it. The strained relationship between Dr. Marvin and his son in What About Bob? was more than this heart could handle.

Another thing that happened — I got comfortable around kids, even good with them. I went from wanting to be good with kids, but never quite feeling natural about it, to feeling so natural that it is hard to remember what it was like before.

One more thing I've noticed (not so much a change in chemistry or physiology), is that getting ready to have a child of my own has made me think a lot more about my own childhood. I think this is born out of a desire to visualise (<-- blatant British spelling for effect) what my own son will be like. I mentioned this to my mom. Her reply, "Did you have a good childho--," cutting herself off, "--don't tell me if it was bad." 

This is a precarious position she put me in. Here's the thing about my mom. She is always teetering on the edge of tears. If you say something that hurts her feelings, she will cry. If you say something that will make her proud, she'll cry. If you make her happy, she'll cry. For a guy who is openly uncomfortable when others cry, well, like I said  it was a precarious position.

I'd already been thinking about my childhood, so I thought I'd make a list of memories (some good and some bad), that all come together to form a darned good childhood, all told. It's a win-win, I can tell my Mom that I had a great childhood, and I don't have to get that awkward feeling inside when someone cries. So here's a representative sample: 

• Dad mowing the lawn with an orange electric mower, and jumping up to scare me at every pass by the kitchen window
• Eating yogurt and watching Jesus movies around Easter time
• Mom and I listening to the radio in the kitchen the day Keith Green died. I think I learned about death that day
• Getting a TAB® from the church pop machine (the kind you pulled bottles out of, with that metal clanking sound)
• Mom bringing home "surprises" – namely the G.I. Joe sleeping bag
• Dad making me say "I will shut the door" 100 times, when I left the back door open
• Mom saving me from a paddling at school for breaking a window
• Walks in the evening that ended with an episode of Gunsmoke on the TV Set
• Getting up early to play Pong before I had to go to school
• Mom and Dad delaying our move from Oklahoma City a couple times so that I could be with my friends a little bit longer
• Road trips in our Nissan Sentra
• Waking up for naps in time for Days of Our Lives to end and Sesame Street and Electric Company to begin
• Little League games, the concession stand afterwards (and if that wasn't enough sugar), Ice Cream with the whole family
• Getting up early on Saturdays to get my allowance
• Hiding in closets until my parents got justifiably worried
• Late night tennis under the lights
• Trips to TG&Y where mom let me get a Golden Book and/or a Star Wars action figure
• Saturday breakfast with my dad
• When traveling, planning our stops based on where the Hardees was for breakfast, or a Mexican restaurant was at any other time of  day
• Getting home late at night and learning Great Grandpa Noel had died
• Dad telling me it is okay to quit playing football
• Being mad at my Mom and Grandma for watching People's Court – All the time!
• Playing dodge ball at recess
• My Grandma's arm getting pooped on by a Hippo at the Oklahoma City Zoo
• Jill coming home for the first time
• Grandma and Grandpa buying the first microwave I'd ever seen from Montgomery Ward
• Having jar after jar of every kind of creepy crawly organism known to man in the house
• Mom rubbing my head and ears when I didn't deserve it

Well, that didn't exactly work out how I thought. I'm beginning to tear up. I should have listened to my own second paragraph. 

I'm beginning to understand how you feel, Mom.

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Assuming someone's reading this, I'd love to hear some of your favorite or least favorite childhood memories. So please, chime in.