Roman Noble's

I always had an affinity for Noble Roman's. It's not the food, mind you. It's the memories. You may ask yourself, what's so memorable about Noble Roman's? Well, I'll tell you.

I remember them playing old re-runs of the Three Stooges on TV sets (we called them TV sets then). I loved the Threes Stooges. As a youngster, I used to beg my parents to allow me to sleep on the hide-a-bed in the living room by the TV so I could stay up late and watch the Stooges.

I remember the hardwood booths, and how they would transform your average flatulence into something that would rattle the Parmesan cheese shaker to the floor and encourage your parents to disassociate themselves with you.

I remember the picture window with the miniature staircase that made it possible for me, and youngsters like me, to watch some chap toss pizza dough. I remember having a serious admiration for whomever was behind that window. At the time, I had no idea that poor guy was probably living in his parents' basement and spending his pizza-tossing money on a 38-sided die for Dungeons and Dragons. In my eyes, he was a deserving of my admiration based solely on how he tossed the dough.

But, I loved Noble Roman's most because of my Mom's utter inability to say, "Noble Roman's." I would set the trap by saying something like, "Hey mom, what's that pizza place called where you can watch them make the pizza through the window?" And she'd step right into my snare, "Roman Nobles."
I'd chuckle.
"No, Noman Roble's."
I'd laugh.
"No, it's Roble Noman's."
I'm rolling at that point.
Then my dad would step in to save her from her rare and very narrowly-focused speech impediment. He'd say, "Sandy, what's my grandpa's first name?"
"Noble" She'd say, quickly followed by "Oh, Noble Roman's. Noble Roman's."
I couldn't count how many times we did this drill. It never got old. In fact, I tried it a few times in recent years, but she's gotten really good at remembering my great-grandfather's name first.

I've since become disenchanted by Noble Roman's. It seems they only exist as those weird fast food combo stores, ala A&W + Long John Silvers or Noble Roman's + TCBY + Convenience Store (I'll never understand how these concepts have survived, let alone flourished). It seems that the original Noble Roman's concept is dead.

Sarah happens to really like TCBY. Well, not necessarily TCBY. She's an equal opportunity frozen tasty treat eater. Sometimes we go to the TCBY + Noble Roman's combo two miles from our house.

It was Waffle Cone Wednesday and there are few things that Sarah loves more than her frozen tasty treats, but one of them is discounted frozen tasty treats. On Waffle Cone Wednesday you can have a waffle cone full of your favorite frozen yogurt for the low, low price of 99 cents. So we went to take advantage of this extraordinary bargain.

As is typical, I make my yogurt choice quickly (it was actually sherbet – orange to be exact) and then wait for Sarah to labor over her decision. It is customary for her to ask for one or more samples before making a decision. Meanwhile, I meandered toward the cash register when I noticed a little point of purchase (POP) sign. As a communications professional, my antennae are acutely tuned into ever little piece of design/advertisement. It feels a lot like a curse at times.

Anyway, there at the cash register was a little POP with a snipe announcing, "New at Noble Romans!" I thought, "Are they bringing the stooges back? The hardwoods? The window into where the magic happens?" No. Not exactly.

I read on. "This pizza has kick! Try our NEW Mexican-style Corn Chip Pizza!"

Corn Chips? Really? Sure enough, there was a Fritos® logo there to substantiate the claim. My curiosity was piqued.

"Loaded with 100% real sausage, 3 types of cheese, jalapeño slivers, and covered with a generous layer of crispy corn chips!"

As it relates to food, my curiosity and judgement are mutually exclusive, most of the time. The one major exception is Fair Food. Even then, I enjoy watching people eat such curiosities at the Fair more that I like eating them myself.

I couldn't help but think, "Oh my Lord, Noble Roman's is taking the Fair Food concept mainstream." This disturbs me because I've always thought that while Fair Food couldn't be worse for you, it's only once a year. Once a year makes it okay. Kinda. Sorta.

Like I said, I was curious – curious enough to visit the Noble Roman's Web site in search for nutrition facts. What kind of damage are we doing to our insides, I wondered?

I found the Nutrition Facts pretty easily. The nutrition facts about the Corn Chip Pizza, however, were not just elusive, but downright invisible. I did my best to try and piece it together, but couldn't. Just how much is a "generous layer of corn chips" anyway?

I backtracked to the nutrition facts main page, where I found this language:

Nutritional Information
Great tasting, high quality products are one of our highest priorities.

We serve a range of high-quality foods that can fit into your balanced diet. We believe that accurate and accessible nutrition information help guests make informed menu choices. The links below will provide you with all the nutritional information needed to help you make choices that are right for you and your lifestyle.

I'm curious. Who's balanced diet does a corn chip pizza fit into? Accurate and accessible nutrition information – Really?

Suddenly, it occurred to me that some guy or gal in some agency, like the one where I work, likely wrote this. In fact, the potential is there for me to participate in this same sort of messaging on a daily basis. It's something I need to be more mindful of, a responsibility I need to take very seriously. I'm not interested in misleading people, or harming people. I generally like people and the potential of people.

Further, it validated what I've spent a reasonable amount of time thinking about. I want to, and will, actively pursue promoting and talking about products, services and people that I really like and believe in.

Because in the end, if the product is hollow (or even damaging) it doesn't matter whether you call it Roman Noble's, Roble Noman's or Noble Roman's, it still leaves me unsatisfied.