The first SPAM-ME Awards

I have spent most of my e-mailing existence getting frustrated with the amount of spam I receive. As a member of the advertising community, I know that most ads are directed at a particular demographic or target audience. So hypothetically, if you're a male enhancement company, it would be in your company's interest to target your communications to men with small ... well, you can see why spam irritates me.

I've spent far too much time being irritated by spam, so I'm embracing it. I want to make spam better. I've decided to start the SPAM-ME Awards, which celebrate the best email subject lines that get captured by my spam filter.

My goal in creating this award is that it will encourage creativity in spam writers who too often rely on disgusting and overt subject lines like, "Get a ma$$ive **** to pleaze all naked Russians of the Univers3." I mean, Simeon is, like, 12 months away from his first e-mail account. I don't want him subjected to this smut. Be more discreet, creative, and grammatically correct, Mr. and Ms. Spamwriter. You can do better than that.

So, let's find out who our lucky SPAM-ME award winners are (please hold your applause and boos until the end of the awards ceremony):

The "Could Be For The Do-it Yourself Pumpkin Farmer" SPAM-ME goes to:

Grow fat ones yourself

The "Maybe It's An Omaha Steaks Promo" SPAM-ME goes to:

More meat is never excessive

The SPAM-ME in the "Anatomical Public Service" category goes to:

Penile Health Publication

The "Entrepreneurial Amish" SPAM-ME goes to:

Horses for loan

The "Bob the Builder" SPAM-ME goes to:

Give your new tool some practice

The "Luis Vuitton" SPAM-ME goes to:

Surprise her with the nicest bag in town

{I just want to reiterate, all of the winners were subject lines of emails I actually received}