I sat down at the Noel dairy bar for a day-starting meal – me over some Trader's Point Creamery yogurt and Indiana blueberries, Simeon over Sarah's left breast. To my amazement and surprise, Simeon detached to say, "You know Dad (that's what he calls me), I've had a pretty great first 2.5 weeks of life."
"Yeah, Son? Well, we've sure enjoyed having you around. What's made your first 2.5 weeks so great?," I replied.
The rest of our conversation follows:
Simeon: The hospital was cool, 'cause all these people I didn't know yet, but recognized their voices, came to hang out with us. Some even drove great distances to make me feel welcome. Not only that, but those same people brought gifts, lots of gifts. I especially liked the cookie bouquet that Auntie Jill sent. I'd always heard from you what a magical combo milk and cookies are. But, nothing could prepare me for when mom had one of those sugar cookies, and it filtered to her milk – Yum! I could eat, like, 5 ounces of milk and cookies if you let me.
Burp! Excuse me, Mom had cabbage last night.
Anyway, when we got home I was afraid I'd get bored since I had to stay home and allow my immune system to build up for a few days. Bored? Not at all. It was Shark Week! It's never too early for Great White exposure, as far as I'm concerned.
On my sixth day, we went for a walk on the Monon for the first time with Mom, and she let me eat in public for the first time.
Ryan: Yeah, that was my last day of Paternity leave. I thought about how much fun it would be coming home from work to see you and Mom together, but how sad I'd be to leave you in the morning.
Simeon: I was sad to see you leave too. But, Mom has kept me busy so I wouldn't think too much about you leaving.
Ryan: Yeah, I guess your first couple of weeks have been pretty eventful ...
Simeon: Oh, I wasn't finished. I've seen more animals than one can imagine. I went to the Trader's Point Creamery and saw some dairy cows...
Ryan: Yeah, remember when I told your mom that as productive as she's been, she could earn some extra money up at the Creamery?
Sarah: That's still not funny, Ryan. Stop laughing, Simeon.
Simeon: Anyway, I've been to the Zoo twice. Count 'em – ONE, (he uses his middle finger he doesn't know what it means yet) TWO (he held up 4 fingers – motor skills aren't finely tuned yet). I went to the fair and saw some more animals, some were in cages and others were eating fried Twinkies. I saw the World's Largest Boar who also happened to have the World's Largest Boar Testicles.
Ryan: That's hilarious, you noticed his testicles?
Simeon: How could I not? They were the world's largest.
Ryan: It seems like you've been living pretty large, little man.
Simeon: *rolls his eyes and gets back to his breakfast*
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Hilarious. (Though I was there, strangely, I did not notice the testicles.)
ReplyDeletePenny says all boys are like this... we play out these funny little interchanges in our heads.
ReplyDeleteI hope she's right.
I have never seen such enormous testicles -- I even told my dad about how they spilled out of the pen into the aisle.
ReplyDeleteIt was a pretty strange conversation for a man who usually picks up the phone, says hello to me, his oldest daughter, and then immediately says "Let me get your mother."